JOHN LAWRENCE MAERZ

For millennia, whether our lives are determined by what is “meant to be” or our choice, it has been an unsolvable philosophical debate. Many people believe that things are fated or predestined and perhaps just as many believe that we have a choice in how our lives will unfold. Both are true but under differing perspectives. Explaining them will seem a bit convoluted but must be understood as arising from motives that are deeply hidden beneath our awareness. One perspective will preserve our mental and emotional security and the other will allow our destiny to follow the unrestricted laws of the Universal Science but with our accepting of uncertainty.

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Our expectations for how life is handled can be described in two ways. Either we believe that the world determines our fate, or we believe that we determine our fate. Psychologically, the first is termed external locus of control and the second is called internal locus of control. Most people gravitate toward one or the other but in order for our lives to run smoothly while still interacting with others, a balance between the two perspectives must be maintained. Let’s take a look at some deeper motives behind each perspective.   

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Let’s begin with those of us who believe we are fated or predestined. Many people believe in this way. In this view we can say that life is meant to occur on a predetermined path. Whether this is determined by circumstances or by other people, the fact is that the control comes from a source other than our own volition. So, why would we choose to believe this?

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First, if we believe that something is predestined, we can remove our insecurity concerning its eventual outcome. Although an outcome may not manifest in the way we might choose, we can still rely on the certainty of it and plan around it thereby assuring our security concerning the outcome. Second, if it is out of our control, we don’t have to be accountable for the circumstances that come with its occurrence. If we don’t like it, we can always blame someone or something else for our circumstances. In this perspective we don’t have to think or be accountable for any of our choices, especially, when we believe that we have none. Hence, when we choose to believe that the world is in control of our fate, we don’t have to be responsible for it.  

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If we see things as being within our control to choose, our motivations and beliefs come from a different place. First, we are essentially free of the world’s conditions and we are free to make our choices that are in line with what we might feel and prefer. Second, if we feel this way, we will have accepted that we are responsible for the conditions that arise from our choices.

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We must remember that as children we were completely dependent on our parents for our safety and well-being. We were trained into believing and accepting that our parents would control our fate. If we do not mature into adults and away from this belief, we will ultimately transfer their authority to the outside world and follow what we are told to be and do as the world prefers. Essentially, by not maturing into becoming an accountable adult, we will have forfeited our autonomy and our freedom to do as we choose.

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One of the most important factors of maturing into an adult is recognizing that we are responsible and must be accountable for our own choices regardless of what the world says or demands of us. Underlying this is an unconscious childhood fear that if we don’t acquiesce to what the world demands of us, our worldly surrogate “mommy or daddy” will not love us and we will not be safe. Aka, we will lose any condition of being lovable or belonging to the clan. If we make our own choices and they are not in line with “mommy and daddy,” we will feel unloved, unsafe and as an outcast. Please understand that this assessed feeling almost always occurs as a motivation from an unconscious level. If we have not matured into a mature and accountable adult perspective, we will never recognize this motivation for what it is.

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To put it bluntly, in our world we have leaders and followers. Followers have the essential understanding that if they follow what they are told or “recommended” to do, they will remain in the good graces of their clan and feel a sense of belonging by virtue of behaving as everyone does else in the clan. Our clan can be our family, an organization, a government, or even a nation. Typically, these people almost never become entrepreneurs, innovators or earth movers. They are simply absorbed as being part of the masses. Almost anyone who has contributed something that is earth changing or socially evolutionary is a leader who has matured into an adult and has accepted the circumstances that accompany the path they’ve chosen as being an “outlier” among their clan. To them, their freedom of choice and accomplishment is much more important than their sense of belonging or approval.  

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There are many types of clans that we can acquiesce to in order to assure us with a sense of approval and belonging. Any organization has rules that must be followed in order for us to remain a member in good standing. One of the most predominant and acceptable choices is to be “brought into the fold” of a religion. Perhaps the thought of a larger entity being in charge and aware of everything that occurs, aka our not being liable or accountable for any choices different from the “entity’s” requirements, fulfills the urge to remain in the good graces of a larger “mommy or daddy.” 

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Before you take offense at what I have said and come to understand about organized religion, I must also say that at the core of almost every major religion, the qualities of honor, value, respect, humility, compassion, mercy and honesty are often present in their inception. But as it grows larger and more permeating of its culture, manipulative and less honorable people burrow into its “governing” structures and it often evolves into blackmailing its followers with promises of salvation, belonging and safety if they tithe and devote their time, energy and money to its “causes.” For many, this promise of safety, being “saved” and not being liable for decisions made by the church, synagogue or mosque is almost irresistible to those who are “lost souls” and still under the influence of needing to be loved and accepted by the outside world. As a general consequence of religious teaching, many children do learn healthy and compassionate practices to incorporate into their world views. However, more often than not, the belief that the world determines our fate is often indoctrinated into those teachings.      

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Those of us who need a sense of belonging often feel the urge to attempt to solicit others toward the same choices that we have chosen to follow. There seems to be a feeling that there is safety in numbers. Congruently, religion solicits and adores those of us who strive to acquire converts. Perhaps our permission to remain mediocre needs unconscious permission? Or maybe just misery loves company. Either way this widens and intensifies our urge to feel secure through our obedience to the clan’s requirements fulfilling our need to belong, be loved and be approved of.

There is a variation of the fated perspective which is why Armageddon is part of the title. I was prompted to use it as the result of a conversation with a friend who is very religiously inclined. In my conversation with him he referred extensively to prophesy he had memorized from his training about the bible. His references were mostly focused on the “end days” and circumstances that were prophesied to occur.

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To begin with, I felt very sad for him to be locked into a believed certainty that the world was gearing up toward self destruction. Where this may or may not be the case, to be void of the hope that different circumstances may evolve in our world yielding a much brighter future seems to me to be a very dim view of the potential that we might have as humans to create, live with and enjoy. Granted, his beliefs allow him to feel certainty about the choices that he might make now and in the future, but I would think that the path he’s chosen to follow is very bleak and severely limiting over his ability to have a happy and joyful life. To me this view is probably one of the most extreme versions of believing that the world is as it is and will determine who we are and where we ultimately end up.

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When we look at the perspectives of who or what determines our fate, it’s plain to see that seeing things in either extreme, fated or self-determined, is unhealthy at best. There are many things that others do in our sphere of existence over which we have no control. There are many circumstances in which we have ample room to choice between a variety of outcomes. We must all learn to develop a balance within us between these two perspectives.

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An ancient serenity prayer says, “God grant me the courage to change what I can, accept what I cannot and the wisdom to know the difference.” When we don’t know the difference, we often get caught up in choices and beliefs that either limit us or give us no signposts as to the path best for our growth and well-being. If we are able to perceive the wisdom, we can live in a nirvanic existence. If we can’t, we live within our own Armageddon.

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Our choice to live in the extreme of a fated or free will existence is a paramount influence determining how we will perceive and thereby conduct our lives in this world. Either extreme will push us into a ”damned if we do and damned if we don’t existence” or a rudderless and directionless head-space. The balance between both extremes must be achieved if we are to have any maturity or peace of mind in this world. This requires us to cut ourselves free of being stuck in the tunnel vision of our indoctrinated parental authority and its personally limiting perception of the adult world. This requires our recognizing and understanding of the effects of extreme choices. THIS is the wisdom that must be learned and recognized.

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There are a few things that we need to understand if we are to align with a productive path free of the extreme polarities. First, we can only predict our future based on what we’ve experienced and known. Second, we can’t recognize the unknown. And third, any messages from our intuition or spirit can only be interpreted based on what we currently know. Patiently using this last understanding is more than likely to not tunnel us into assumptions about our future that would limit our allowance of any unknown circumstances that could provide us with a path into more diverse possibilities than we can imagine. Aka, basing the future on only what we know can severely limit our future potential.

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So, what can we do? My primary recommendation is “don’t push the river.” And then, allow the universe to unfold around us before we make any choices or assumptions. Along the same lines, prophecy is often based on an unconscious fear of not having control of our future.

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We have three choices stemming from childhood. For the first choice, we can hold onto a feeling of belonging and being lovable while avoiding accountability through totally aligning with a continuation of our parental authority thereby living a “fated” and predetermined life. Second choice, we can rebel against our parents which, essentially, is still tied to the limits of their authority while still rejecting our accountability and blaming our parents for our circumstances – also predetermined and “fated.” Or third, we can mature into adults by becoming accountable for our choices and accept whatever the universe will throw at us while believing that we will be able to handle ourselves competently. 

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So, in the first two choices we face our own personal Armageddon. In the third choice, we have the potential to achieve a sense of freedom and Nirvana. The thin human line between the first two choices and the third is simply becoming our own parent and accepting accountability for our choices and actions. This is easy to understand but for many of us it is difficult to accomplish…