MANSPEAK & WOMANSPEAK:

Why is Understanding So Difficult?

By John Maerz BA LMT

     How many times have you heard a man say, “Why does she have to go on and on about it?” How many times have you heard a woman say, “Why won’t he just discuss it?” This has been going on as long as men and women have been able to speak. The accepted reasoning has always been that men can’t deal with emotions and that women are mentally irrational. I believe that the reasons for misunderstanding each other go much deeper than that. Women and men are wired differently but the difference is not between emotions and intellect. It is a difference in their objective. To understand this we have to go back to simple physics. Don’t worry. This will be very simple.

    Life is a movement between two core constituents; matter and energy. Matter is feminine, solid, inert, immoveable and structured. Energy is masculine, insubstantial, generative, always moving and undirected. Nature always seeks to rebalance anything that is at any extreme to a point of entropy or neutrality. As an example, if you take something cold out of the freezer and stand it on the counter eventually the temperature will rise until it matches room temperature. By the same token, if you take something hot out of the oven and place it on the same counter the temperature will fall until it is also at room temperature. Room temperature is approximately in the middle of the two extremes. Matter and energy are also extremes. The interplay of life is like the “movement between the extremes of temperature. Since “room temperature” can vary, the balance point striven for also varies. This accounts for the diversity in expressions of life. So, put in another way, matter’s natural inclination is to move from the extreme state of solid and structured toward being undirected and perpetually moving. Energy’s natural inclination is to move from the extreme state of perpetually moving and undirected toward solidity and structure. Men and women are inclined and behave the same way. Women are inclined to take conversation and move it from solid and immoveable toward the balance point of perpetually moving and undirected. Men are inclined to take the conversation and move it from being undirected and perpetually moving toward the balance point of solid and immoveable. So, essentially, men are inclined to fix things and bring them to a conclusion and women are inclined mobilize and “un-resolve” things. So when men “just won’t discuss it” they have brought the issue to conclusion. Hence, there is no more need to discuss it. So when women “go on and on” they are keeping the issue moving and unresolved. Hence, there is a need to continually discuss it. This is the natural way of things.

     So how, then, can we utilize this in our dealing with the opposite sex? Know first that the difference is not intellect versus emotions and that the difference is natural inclination. It’s very simple but hard to accept, especially if you have a frail ego. Recognize that men tend to conclude and women tend to perpetuate. It is just the natural way of things. All it takes is recognition and acceptance. Neither one is superior or inferior. There really is no battle of the sexes. It’s just nature playing itself out. It is what it is. If you can’t accept this you have a problem. :-)